02. “What am I supposed to be when I grow up?”

In episode 02 of Plays Well With Others, Alex explores the age-old question of "What am I supposed to be?" "What is my life purpose?" "What is my 'thing'?" Join us for discussions on salmon, those nagging "why's", and how being a frog on a lily pad is all of our best hope!!

Welcome to Plays Well With Others, the podcast where we discuss all things creative, from the silly to the sensitive, but most importantly, we will discuss PLAY!

Brought to you by Podcast Host and Rec Center Founder, Alex B. Arnopol

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Edits in process- please pardon any strange interpretations!

13:25:57 hi friends welcome to Plays Well With Others, a podcast for creative community to discuss everything from the sensitive to the silly, but most importantly, to explore play come play with us.

13:26:12 I'm your podcast host, and wiggly dancer lover of ducks in hats, Alex B Arnopol

13:26:20 Let's dive in, shall we.

13:26:30 Hello everybody and welcome back welcome to week 2 our second podcast for Plays Well With Others, if you joined us last week for our very first episode.

13:26:43 Welcome back.

13:26:44 If this is your first time playing with us, joining us for Plays Well With Others.

13:26:51 We are delighted to have you in our community.

13:26:55 If this is your first time joining us. No problem. This episode stands on its own. But if you want to go back and see what we talked about last time, I would encourage you to check out our very first episode Forever Young.

13:27:11 Trust me, it's worth it. We talked about amphibians and lay in my history as a creative, so feel free to jump back in time and listen to that one as well.

13:27:46 I gotta say, when I got to see the podcast live and in action.

13:27:52 I was filled with such a deep sense of gratitude for this amazing community for everyone that is supported me and for the power of storytelling, because that's something like I mentioned last week is so important to me, is being able to tell our stories

13:28:09 to tell our truths to really share our authenticity.

13:28:14 There's also definitely some sort of weird any a gram three energy happening here because I put it out there and as a previous performer i mean i guess still performer just, you know, haven't been on the stage in a long time, it cracks me up because I'm

13:28:30 constantly wondering, did anybody hear this are you hearing this right now.

13:28:36 Because if you're not familiar with any a gram threes, we are at the Tinkerbell so of life. We are essentially clap for us or will die. So I'm not saying, clap for me Tell me what a good job I did or anything of the ilk, but.

13:28:53 Wow, what an interesting experience to put something into the ether, and know that you are receiving it on your own time in your own space, but that brings me back to one of the many principles that we use as a guiding force at Rec Center, which is the

13:29:09 idea of slower softer simpler.

13:29:15 So this is a way of just slowing down and learning another way of moving to the world of storytelling of creation. What does it look like to tell a story or create something, and allow other people to experience it in their own time.

13:29:35 We're not used to that right. I'm not used to that. I'm used to getting on stage and having people clap for me and say, Wow, what a good job you did.

13:29:45 How interesting to take a step back and being able to say, I really hope you like this. And if you don't, that's okay. I'm just gonna leave it out there in the universe for you.

13:29:57 So I suppose this is my way of saying, I give this to the universe. I give this to you. This podcast is my gift to you, to my community, to my friends.

13:30:09 But if you like it. If you're excited about it.

13:30:12 Let us know.

13:30:14 Rate us follow us share us, the more that we can connect with other members of our community.

13:30:22 The more we can share this message of play and joy and being able to lean into our individual authenticity to help someone else by sharing this information, maybe sending it to a friend or a loved one that needed a little bit of this today.

13:30:39 Now before we get too far in before we dive into the deep so let's stay in the shallow zone for a moment, let's kind of get our get our sea legs so to speak, and a couple of announcements from rec center from myself.

13:30:55 First of all, I realized that last week I didn't even explain to you what prep center was, I will definitely do that this week in case you're not familiar with us already, but some cool things coming up from rec center.

13:31:07 We have a super big announcement coming. Yeah. So on November 1 we have a super special announcement that is coming down the pipeline. I don't want to spoil anything but make sure to follow us.

13:31:24 So whether that is on Instagram, or on our newsletter or through this podcast. If you are excited by community. If you are excited about creative authenticity, about radical includes 70 about being able to share your creative experience with other people

13:31:42 and feel supported in the process.

13:31:45 Make sure to give us a follow.

13:31:47 Secondly, I have a DIY course coming up. play practice is a course that's going to be led next week. It is a digital go at your own pace, super affordable and accessible course where we get to just inject a little bit of a playful mindset into your day

13:32:05 to day life. So if you're someone that's just been feeling like kind of low energy you need a little bit of zest in your life. This can be a great way of finding new ways to move through your day today.

13:32:21 It is all about integrating play as a practice as a practice of mindfulness and joy into your everyday life. So you can sign up for that through the Rec Center website or through my website, going to www dot rec center dot space or www dot Alex article.

13:32:43 com.

13:32:44 Alright, check it is enough of that enough announcements. Let's get this show on the road. Let's get this party started.

13:32:54 So today, I have been thinking a lot about rec center, and why people come to it in the first place.

13:33:04 For those who aren't familiar, Rec Center is a radically inclusive online space for creative play. We host classes, workshops, we have coaching including myself and other coaches, but it's a place for you to really discover who you are as a creative,

13:33:23 and how does that inner creative work contribute to the outer world.

13:33:29 One of the most common things that I hear when people come to rec center is that they are super creative or they consider themselves a creative, or they've always had some sort of creative tendency, or maybe you're creative and you are in another job

13:33:47 a full time job and it just feels like shit.

13:33:51 But you're coming to this space to discover who you are.

13:33:58 It's almost like you're trying to locate yourself on the map.

13:34:03 Where am I in this scheme, in the world of creativity. How do I exist in this space here in sometimes, both in coaching and the mystery of rec center.

13:34:15 One of the things I hear a lot is, how do I know what my thing is, how do I know what I'm supposed to be doing. Who am I, what am I supposed to be what is my purpose it doesn't matter the question.

13:34:29 They all amount to the same thing.

13:34:33 Where am I, located.

13:34:37 I mean, who hasn't asked themselves this question before.

13:34:41 What am I supposed to be doing, what am I supposed to be. Who am I supposed to be.

13:34:46 Let's be real. I still ask myself that question every single day. I feel like I wake up in the morning and I say, I want to be when I grow up.

13:34:56 We still ask ourselves these questions, but as an adult. They hold so much more weight because growing up, is suddenly now.

13:35:07 And tomorrow and the next day, actually think this is one of the many reasons we avoid play later in life because we're worried that if we are busy playing we're going to miss out on the opportunity to become this person that we were always meant to be.

13:35:25 It's like they're a stranger on the side of the road and as we move forward we are looking for them.

13:35:31 But we don't realize they're actually in our passenger seat the whole time.

13:35:36 We're looking outside of ourselves, outside of our own vehicle for someone that's been there the whole time.

13:35:46 And I think play is actually the method to get yourself there Blitz slow down a little bit. Let's take it back for a second.

13:35:56 Let's slow down a little bit. Let's take it back for a second.

13:35:57 Okay. I have a secret for you.

13:36:00 Don't tell you want to hear it.

13:36:04 Okay.

13:36:06 There is no such thing as one purpose. One life plan one path one thing.

13:36:16 It doesn't exist. I know, I know, surprising, Because a lot of times we're taught that isn't that the purpose of everything we've been doing, up until this point.

13:36:27 What was school for what was college for what was career prep. What was the internship I did when I was 21 and I felt like shit doing it, and I didn't get paid anything because I was told that one day it would amount to something and what is that something

13:36:42 going to be.

13:36:44 So when you hear the secret that there is no one path, no one thing.

13:36:52 You feel tricked.

13:36:54 I think a lot of us that are millennials and maybe some old Gen Z or is young Gen Xers feel trapped in this life, we feel like we've had the wool over our eyes.

13:37:08 We were told that if we worked hard enough did the thing, follow the path, it would pay off.

13:37:16 No one could have predicted, what was about to happen, economic recession, economic depression.

13:37:26 Terrible presidencies a global pandemic a shortage of jobs.

13:37:32 We didn't know this was going to happen.

13:37:35 where is everything that we were promised the job.

13:37:40 The security, the pension.

13:37:43 I was told, if I did the thing that I would get the payout so Where the hell is it.

13:37:50 Let's be honest.

13:37:51 A lot of us are angry.

13:37:54 It feels wrong to play when it feels like everything is falling apart and we can barely hold on to what we still have.

13:38:05 But even before this.

13:38:11 They're still was no one path.

13:38:16 The only thing we have is who we are right now, and who we are the next day and the next day.

13:38:27 And the following.

13:38:29 It gives the illusion of a career of a path of continuity.

13:38:39 And sometimes, yes, it does build on itself but it doesn't always.

13:38:43 There is no such thing as your thing.

13:38:51 Now on the flip side, you are so special. You have so many talents and gifts and gems that no one else in the world has, guess what, literally no one else on earth has your combination of DNA in life story.

13:39:10 That's pretty fucking cool Don't you think that means you have something special to share with the world that literally no one else in the world can share in your way the way that you would do at our talent.

13:39:26 So, in the spirit of non binary thinking, knowing that it's not either or but yes, and we can hold two ideas true simultaneously. So the idea that you have something really unique and special that is just yours to give to the world and to give to yourself.

13:39:49 And there is no one thing that you have to be doing or saying or following or trying to be.

13:39:56 Perhaps you find this deeply frustrating for me. I find it wildly liberating.

13:40:03 Meaning that I have something that I can give the world but I don't have the pressure to have to follow through with the exact same thing every day and I have space to change and evolve.

13:40:17 Let's bring things back to nature.

13:40:20 Because for me, everything is rooted in natural cycles.

13:40:25 Nothing natural on this earth, in which we are very much a part of the natural cycles and natural being because we, in and of ourselves, our wild natural creatures.

13:40:39 Nothing is stagnant.

13:40:41 Nothing stays the same we change, and we evolve.

13:40:48 One of my favorite examples of this is thinking about the matter that makes up a tree.

13:40:55 When we think about a tree, we typically see it as I guess there's a tree, it is made out of tree material trees are made of trees.

13:41:02 Right. Yeah.

13:41:04 But the cool thing about trees, is that there is a mycelium network under trees mushrooms, basically tiny little mushrooms that carry in nutrients to the tree.

13:41:30 Often this material is organic decaying matter.

13:41:24 So, in certain parts of the country in the world.

13:41:29 Bears, eat a lot of fish. Now you're probably sitting here thinking where the hell are you going with this Alex G is really on one today.

13:41:39 Just stay with me, I promise it'll all make sense in certain areas of our world and sphere bears, eat fish bears eat salmon.

13:41:52 Imagine a bear goes to a stream gets a nice juicy salmon so delicious so great eats what he needs and leaves the rest. Maybe there's a little skin, maybe there's some bones he doesn't eat the whole thing.

13:42:03 Fine.

13:42:04 Bears don't experience body shape so they just eat until their full feel good and leave the rest.

13:42:11 So we got some salmon sitting on the bank of the river. It begins to decay.

13:42:17 The mycelium network under the soil or inside of the soil picks up on this decaying matter and says, Ah, yes, nutrients, I guess nitrogen.

13:42:30 Let's bring this to our friends the trees.

13:42:33 Perhaps it is not in such friendly terms or discussed in this way. But yeah, they carry the nutrients, they grab this salmon material, bring it through the mycelium network and bring it up to the tree, tree takes up this material, yum, yum.

13:42:50 Wonderful. nitrogen nutrients, bring it to me.

13:42:53 Years later, some dumb ass comes around and cuts down this tree, why, I don't know, just cuts down the tree, not a great idea should have left at living, but they cut down the tree, and they start to study the rings, perhaps in the name of science sometimes

13:43:06 things in the name of science, I can get behind that. So we're looking at these rings from a scientific perspective and studying the makeup of each of the rings.

13:43:17 The rings give us a clear timeline of the trees, growth and evolution.

13:43:23 At certain periods of time we find that depending on the salmon population the bears how much they were eating, we find that the majority of the organic makeup of some of the rings are made up of salmon.

13:43:40 So it's almost like for a brief period of time.

13:43:44 That tree was primarily salmon.

13:43:49 So what the hell does this have to do with you.

13:43:53 We are regenerating and growing every single day.

13:43:59 If we simply look at things from a natural perspective, our cells are regenerating. We essentially for all intents and purposes, have a new body, approximately every seven years.

13:44:16 And nothing ever stays the same, everything changes.

13:44:22 We are an accumulation of parts and experiences and wants and desires, just the same way that the tree was once briefly made up of its environment of its interactions of its nutrients, as are you, you change we change every single day.

13:44:48 Now what does this have to do with your path in life your purpose your thing.

13:44:53 Well, I'll tell you.

13:44:56 We often present an illusion of a career or a path.

13:45:01 But we are simply a series of days strung together loosely by a theme or an idea, and we get to decide what that beam or idea is, there is such tremendous pressure put on every single individual on earth to figure out what are you going to be what are

13:45:22 you going to be tomorrow and the next day and the next year in the next decade and what are you doing with your life.

13:45:27 Even the phrase that I used earlier. What do you want to be when you grow up. I don't know how much more up 10 years up tomorrow, up.

13:45:39 All we can do is decide who we are today.

13:45:44 What makes us feel fulfilled today. What helps us contribute to the world today.

13:45:52 And then ask ourselves, the same series of questions, tomorrow.

13:45:57 This pattern repeats.

13:46:00 We ask ourselves today.

13:46:02 What makes me feel good. What makes me feel alive. What gives me meaning and hope.

13:46:08 What makes me feel zesty, or that I contribute to the world.

13:46:13 And you define it for today.

13:46:16 Then tomorrow. You repeat.

13:46:19 And the next day you repeat.

13:46:22 Eventually, a pattern begins to emerge. There may be slight shifts and evolutions within this pattern.

13:46:31 But the most important thing is to locate where you are right now.

13:46:39 So how do we do that.

13:46:42 How do we bridge together.

13:46:45 The concept that we're not the same thing every day, alongside the concept that I have something really special to give the world that only I can give that the combination of my gifts my talents my life experiences mean that there is something that only.

13:47:07 I am capable of doing.

13:47:12 Well, This is where play comes in.

13:47:15 Okay, so as I mentioned in the last episode. In my definition, and many have different and unique definitions of play. I think that is the beautiful thing about play.

13:47:30 Is that one can't necessarily measure it nor name it, because it's unique for each individual, but in a general sense. Play is the intersection of mindfulness or awareness, whatever you want to call it, being in the present moment with joy or pleasure

13:47:51 or sense of ease when we play.

13:47:56 we are in essence improvising.

13:47:59 Regardless of what play looks like for you.

13:48:03 It is hard, or perhaps impossible to plan, play, you can plan the parameters. Perhaps you plan the rules in which you play with him.

13:48:15 But you don't plan the actual play.

13:48:20 Play asks you to respond in the moment to ask questions to perhaps be inspired by everything that you interact with asking, Why does it have to be done this way.

13:48:32 How can I change this is there another way is there a way that feels better for me. So bringing a playful mindset in improvisational mindset to the idea of where am i right now.

13:48:48 Where am I at today. And what do I bring to myself into the world. That's of meaning and a value.

13:48:57 This means being both in the present moment in seeking joy or well being in the moment.

13:49:07 It's going back to the idea that there is no one thing there's only this moment and how we respond.

13:49:16 And I have something beautiful and joyful to give the world that creates a sense of well being for myself and for others.

13:49:25 And how do you implement this joyful mindset. This playful way of looking at your life and figuring out where am I, who am I and what do I want to be doing.

13:49:36 You start with questions.

13:49:41 I think the key to play is curiosity and wonder.

13:49:47 We look at kids and they have so many questions why the Saturn have rings. How long do they stay on them. Why do I have to go to school. Why do I have to wear this shirt.

13:50:00 Why does he merely wear pink lipstick and kiss me every time she sees me.

13:50:04 Why why why how how how it's no coincidence that we stop asking these questions around the same time we stop playing. So let's bring ourselves back to a place of wonder.

13:50:20 A place of curiosity of curiosity with the self curiosity with the world. Let's ask some big questions.

13:50:29 So, here's more of the coaching portion of the program.

13:50:34 Feel free to grab a notebook at this time, we'll give you a little time to grab it.

13:50:39 In fact, here's some music while you get your utensil, and perhaps a journal or piece of paper.

13:51:07 Got it.

13:51:08 Okay, good.

13:51:10 Let's consider the following questions

13:51:17 What helps me cultivate a sense of well being, joy, ease or poem.

13:51:23 Basically what makes me feel good.

13:51:27 When do I feel in flow.

13:51:30 When do I feel engaged and connected to the work that I'm doing.

13:51:35 When do I feel connected to community, what feels meaningful to me.

13:51:41 What does achievement mean to me.

13:51:43 What what accomplishment look like for me.

13:51:46 What makes me feel hopeful.

13:51:49 What am I grateful for that I all ready have what actions, am I taking today that feel meaningful for myself.

13:51:57 What actions can I take today, that would feel meaningful for humanity.

13:52:02 What is important to me today.

13:52:05 What did or does my inner child or past self love to do.

13:52:09 What was I obsessed with as a child.

13:52:12 What am I obsessed with today.

13:52:14 What makes me feel zesty or full of life.

13:52:18 What kind of problems do I like to solve.

13:52:21 What am I curious about exploring what new skill what I love to explore, or master.

13:52:30 When do I feel compassionate.

13:52:32 What helps me feel compassionate towards myself.

13:52:37 When do I feel loyal.

13:52:39 When do I feel connected to a larger home.

13:52:43 What do I like so much and get so wrapped up in that I might forget to eat, or use the bathroom.

13:52:51 bonus on this one.

13:52:53 Consider what the cognitive action is that's being taken.

13:52:58 For instance, if you're really into playing video games. Maybe the cognitive action in there is achieving new goals or levels, being able to level up or get to higher ground.

13:53:11 If you're really into watching movies all day. Maybe it's about the creative narrative and getting to share in storytelling.

13:53:19 What do you love so much that you are willing to embarrass yourself for in the process.

13:53:27 And finally, what would make your inner child or past self proud.

13:53:34 Okay, I knew I really breezed through those questions. But what I would encourage you to do is go back and pause after each question, write down some thoughts, free right.

13:53:47 What comes to mind.

13:53:49 And are there certain questions that resonate with you more than others.

13:53:57 And if so, I might that be.

13:54:00 When you get through that list of questions come back and ask yourself.

13:54:06 So where does this locate me today. who am I today.

13:54:12 Based on these questions.

13:54:14 What fires me up and brings me joy.

13:54:16 What do I want to be doing with my time that gives a sense of purpose or meaning.

13:54:25 Come back to these questions if you can, daily, locate where you are today.

13:54:32 And then locate where you are tomorrow.

13:54:35 And then the next day. And then the next day.

13:54:40 That's a pattern emerge.

13:54:41 Is there one thing that stands out to you that you feel like you should be doing that so clear from this. Maybe it's, I have to go become a biologist I love science, this is what I should be doing, or maybe a pattern emerges that you are interdisciplinary

13:54:59 that today you love painting but tomorrow you love photography and that is okay do.

13:55:05 There is no right answer here.

13:55:07 The point is we are all frogs swimming in a pond with hundreds of lily pads everywhere.

13:55:16 If each lily pad is where we are at for any given day in terms of our love's passions.

13:55:24 We can stay on that lily pad for as long as we'd like.

13:55:28 Or we can hop to another. The next day, there are a lot of lily pads in this pond.

13:55:35 And guess what, the idea of the straight and narrow career trajectory, starting as a child with stardom. The overnight success the Mark Zuckerberg, they are a myth.

13:55:52 Let's look at some folks that were something else before what we knew them as today, for instance.

13:56:01 Did you know that Toni Morrison worked as an editor, long before she published her first book.

13:56:07 At age, 39, and Vera Wang was a figure skater and then a journalist and then finally she began designing at age, 40. Here's one of my favorites.

13:56:17 Christopher Walken was a lion tamer when I learned that detail I about pooped my pants that is just the most delightful thing I've ever heard.

13:56:28 Fred Armisen was a drummer we know him as an actor but he thought his career for a long time there's going to be in music. Bob Ross was in the Air Force.

13:56:39 He didn't begin painting or teaching painting until age 41 Margot Robbie Subway sandwiches worked at Subway Hugh Jackman was a physics teacher, Julia Child working for national security.

13:56:53 She even published her book until age 51 Kenji young, he was a physician. That's why we see him as a doctor in knocked up he was actually a doctor.

13:57:03 Martha Stewart. It seems like he's always been on the scene as the head of Homes and Gardens and cooking and it's not true. She worked on Wall Street.

13:57:17 And then she ran a catering business. She didn't publish our first book until age 41.

13:57:21 And Laura Ingalls Wilder pretty famous right.

13:57:25 She did not publish her first book, until age, 65.

13:57:32 So, dear one. If you are thinking it's too late for me. I should have this all figured out. I should know what I'm supposed to be doing tomorrow and the next in the next year and the next decade.

13:57:44 You don't. because this is just your lily pad for today.

13:57:48 Let's explore it.

13:57:50 Let's see what it's like and what it feels like for you and if you want to hop onto another lily pad tomorrow.

13:57:57 Be my guest.

13:58:00 With an explorer explore that one and see how that feels for you.

13:58:04 The most important thing is to always have a sense of curiosity and wonder, to ask yourself the big questions to be playful, to bring in an improvisational mindset that each day is new and each thing that's presented before you is a new opportunity that

13:58:25 we are multitudinous that we contain so much that we are a spectrum and we're non binary, we exist outside of these boxes.

13:58:38 And when we bring in play.

13:58:40 We begin to realize that the person that we're trying to become is actually already with us right now.

13:58:51 We just need to stop in see them to have compassion to say welcome.

13:58:59 I want to play with you.

13:59:00 I want to learn more about you.

13:59:02 What you tell me what you want, what you tell me what you want to do today and tomorrow and the next day.

13:59:15 Well friends, that's our episode for today.